april 2010

Heart not on Sleeve, Soul not in Journal

Halo Noir's Journal

This is me not karaoke-ing
april 2010
halonoir
WEDNESDAY-
Scott came by and I saw "Memento" for the first time. I really liked it, except I couldn't stop wondering out loud about things because I was so intrigued. I think I'll enjoy it even more the next time I watch it because I'll be able to catch the subtleties now that I know what's going on in general.

THURSDAY-
Went over to Jessica's and we played Katamari Forever on her PS3. It was a lot of fun handing the controller back and forth and trying to beat the tricky levels. We also unlocked more levels, which she didn't expect, so that was a cool bonus.

Afterward I went to lunch with her, Steen, and Eric, which was hilarious and somehow boiled down to how I should get a facebook.

Then I went to BC to play a game with a newer friend I made, Tom, and ended up meeting a couple new people. One of which was Lee, who invited Chris and I to drinking and Karaoke later that night with some of his nurse friends. I didn't sing, but I did end up remembering another part of the reason I don't usually drink beer... I felt "ugh" this morning.

Went to Mega Coney in Flint after the karaoke, and finally got home at about 3am and passed right out. No time to feel emotionally crappy, which was nice.

Today I have to get my listing online for a roomie. $500/mo all utilities included 12x11 bedroom w/closet, spread the word! Female roomie preferred unless they're a super harmless geek boy. ;P

(no subject)
april 2010
halonoir
So, I hope Tyler doesn't let my remaining faith in him down and still pays me back. Despite him owing me $6500+, I just bought the engagement ring off him for $500 because he needed $700 for the repairs on his van's brakes. While that is a bit less than half of what the ring cost new, it's a lot more than he would've gotten from a pawn shop, or possibly even eBay or Craigslist since it's been worn for over a year. Also he gets it a hell of a lot faster than he would've otherwise.

So now the truck is here until he pays off his loan. I'll be remembering to start it every week to keep it in good shape. If he finds someone who wants to buy it for $1800, we can knock off some of what he owes me.

He also mentioned mowing my lawn once a week in exchange for a meal. I might take him up on it, as I'm not sure I can start the mower myself.

Today some bible-thumpers stopped by, and I was actually quite entertained. I talked to them for a good half hour, and basically told them that it would be more impressive to me if instead of going door-to-door trying to get people to believe in god, that they instead got them to do a river cleanup or donate food or something.

Went to BC for a while and played Carcassone with a guy I had taught it to. I was really embarrassed though because I had forgotten it was him until I heard his nickname. I suck so bad with names and faces! He ended up buying Dungeon Lords and we were going to learn to play, but I had to be back home to buy the ring. We exchanged numbers instead and I should see him later this week.

Matt came over after Tyler left and we chatted and played a couple rounds of Carcassone. I am on such a Carcassone kick! I've forgotten all day today though to include the large Meeples with the expansion. Doh!

I also signed up for 2 dating sites last night, just to see who is out there. I post in the first paragraph about my recent circumstances, and in the second I explain that this means that I am damaged goods and am not actually looking for anyone yet. Still, I've received 8 messages and 2 winks in less than 24 hours. At least it makes me feel better about myself.

(no subject)
april 2010
halonoir
SUNDAY-
Went to host Dominion at Featured Game Day. Fortunately Scott showed up and basically ran it for me, which was nice. I was not really up to the task. Shane also came, and it was good that he did, because being Mother's Day, the store was lacking people to play with.

I picked up some movies from Hollywood video. I normally don't buy movies unless I love them, but at $3-4 each for their going out of business sale, it's about the same cost as renting. Mostly cheesy horror, and Slumdog Millionaire (because I love Danny Boyle films and haven't seen this one yet). Scott and Shane suffered through them with me, then Shane helped me move a couple pieces of furniture.

I managed to fall asleep without crying, though still with a lot of depression.

MONDAY-
Really lazy day, couldn't motivate myself to do much outside the house other than going for a walk with Natalie. Matt came over and said hi. Tyler came over later to get some more stuff of his, which should be the last of it unless I missed something. He made the offer to mow the lawn if I cooked for him on the day he does it. I'm ok with it, because I don't think I can even start the mower.

I'm probably going to buy the engagement ring from him and get it set with another stone. I know it sounds silly since he owes me money, but he needs cash to fix his van, and I'm not a dick. Well, not that much.

Coping-ish
april 2010
halonoir
Still crying every night, but friends have been helping me feel better during the day.

FRIDAY-
Jessica and I went for a walk in the mall since it was raining outside. Each lap is a mile, so we did two laps, and then probably a 3rd mile when we went shopping. Jess said we had to get the two miles in before we could go in any stores, but I was so excited by stuff I saw that I kept forgetting and she had to keep reminding me LOL. To be fair though, she kept forgetting we needed to find her a blazer for an interview, so I kept her on track for that. :)

Later I threw together a deck for FNM at BC. Shane, Ken, and Brian showed up, which was pretty cool to see them again. Shane helped me test my crap deck, but mostly I just wanted to keep my mind busy. It worked until about round 3 when I started feeling depressed and had to leave early.

SATURDAY-
No walk this morning. Was totally going to, but I didn't have enough time after going to the bank and cleaning house before a friend I met on DoA came over for a trade and to do a face-up for me. Liz is actually really cool, and we've had similar circumstances with failed engagements due to insane guys, so she understood that I was a bit off-kilter today. I actually did quite well until around 11pm, when I was tired and the sadness was sinking in again.

After she left, I just broke down in wracking sobs. Yes, I can say wracking. My whole effing body convulsed while letting out guttural noises of emotional pain. Fortunately it was toned down to normal sobs by the time Tyler came back for another load of his crap, but I ended up having to run to the bathroom to puke from the crying. It was a bit embarrassing because I didn't know Khris was with him, so I'm sure I looked really pathetic. Especially since I popped blood vessels in my face and eyes, and now have to host "Featured Board Game" at 2pm like this.

Single... again.
april 2010
halonoir
Since word seems to be traveling quickly anyway, I might as well make a post. Tyler just dumped me 3 hours ago. There are further details of our relationship going down-hill the last month in the locked post I made yesterday.

Anyhow, I had just come in from rototilling the yard the last 5 hours with my mom and her husband, and collapsed on the couch and sighed with exhaustion. Then he picked that moment to say he was going to end the relationship now, largely because I didn't want him to get 2 dogs and I didn't want him to do drugs. Bwa?!

So I talked at him a while, telling him about how stupid I felt for getting back with him, and how sick it made me feel to mean so little if those were the things he wanted in life, and that I was just disgusted with him. No yelling, just a lot of crying and bitterness. I mean seriously... I feel like I just wasted almost 6 years of my life, and this is my second failed engagement.

Doing better now that I've had some friends making sure I'm alright and making themselves available for company over the next couple weeks. Also going into survival mode while Tyler and I are working out how he's going to get me the $6500+ he owes me, and have a vehicle to use since the truck is in my name and his van is not working. Did a bit of clearing in the spare room so he can sleep there until he moves in with Ian, which he hopes to do this weekend if he gets the van running. I'll be hoping to rent out the spare room eventually.

Another nice walk, and my god am I fat!
april 2010
halonoir
Legs still hurting (but not screaming), I met Jessica for a walk at 10am again. This time we went from her place, to the community center (where there was a swing that had to be swung) to the park (more swings) and then looped back to her place. The last 3 blocks were rough because they were uphill. >_<

It was kinda funny when we hit the 2nd swing, because I was too short, so she had to give me a push. She brought up the valid point of wondering how kids would get them to swing, being so high?

We hung out at her place and talked for a while. I stepped on her scale, and I'm so glad I did because it turns out I'm the heaviest I've ever been. 219.4 lbs! o_O That adds even more motivation.

Then we hit up the Goodwill store, where I finally got my fat pants and shorts. It was fun doing the actual shopping with her, but after she left (had to get to work) and I tried them on, I discovered everything was too small. I've been wearing 14s, which are tight on me, so I figured 16s would be perfect... not so. Turns out I'm an 18 right now. OMFG!!!

So, I hate all the pants/shorts I bought (they fit in the waist, but are huge in the thighs and hang low in the crotch) but they only have to last two months at most, which should be the time it takes to lose 20lbs (based on previous experience). Then I'll fit into all my 14s again, and work on getting down to my 12s. Theeeeeeeennnn hopefully 10s... but I think I'll only make it to 12s by the wedding, figuring 10 lbs loss per month.

Another walk planned for 10am tomorrow. Part of me just wants to break down and cry about how I undid the 40lbs I had lost previously and have now put on more than that. However, I am just going to keep focusing and pushing forward rather than pitying myself. After all, it's my own fault.

Walking with a friend
april 2010
halonoir
Going on a 2.5 mile hike through the woods probably was NOT a good idea for someone who has only sporadically been doing a mile at a time on the treadmill... but I did it anyway, and I'm going walking again tomorrow (not as far though).

The thing that is helping is that my new-ish friend Jessica is doing it, and it's so much more fun to walk when you have someone to walk with. She lost about 70lbs, so there's inspiration for ya. The funny thing is, this is the same Jessica who used to be my boss at EB Games, and I could only stand her for 2 days before quitting. She's much cooler now that she's not all power hungry and bossy.

We had lunch afterward, then she had to go to work. Tomorrow we will walk near the school so we can play on the swings. :)

This is so surreal. I've been wanting to make a friend who is on the same general wavelength as me for a long time, and it turns out to be a former enemy. o_O At least my life is not boring!

First game hosting day
april 2010
halonoir
So I had been discussing running a board/card game demo day on Sundays at BC Comix. The crew was ok with it, and have enthusiastically been plugging it (online and in store). I was starting to get a bit nervous because of all the promotion actually, LOL. However, yesterday went off with my showing up an hour before the store opens being the only problem. To be fair though, no-one mentioned that they don't open till 1:00 even though my flier said noon (because that's what it says on the main page of their website currently). In the future it won't matter, because I'll just do it from 2-6 since no-one really started showing up till then anyway.

Ran about 5 games of Carcassone and taught it to 6 new people, and had 1 who already knew how to play. Chris (co-store owner) was really helpful will getting people to give it a try. The crazy thing about gamers is that they can be standing around the store for hours doing nothing and not being there for any specific reason, but trying to convince them to give something new a try can be hell. Go figure!

One thing that was frustrating, was there was one guy who was a board game fan and brought his own games with as well as a 4 page list of games he owns. The whole idea is for me to demo the featured game to help the store, not to get people playing games they don't have in stock. He could pick any day to come in with his own games, rather than try to hijack people from a store event. I guess the store has had open board gaming on Sundays for about a year now, but next to no turn-out... which is why we're trying to promote a featured game each week and turn it into an organized thing that people can count on happening.

I did end up playing/learning Race for the Galaxy from him, but I emphasized putting the game on hold as soon as more people came for the demo. The positive thing about him is that he is very knowledgeable about games, is a Steve Jackson Games rep (says he has tons of promo stuff sitting around), and did help fill in the Carcassone games so that we always had at least 4 players. So maybe after getting to know him better, I'll feel less threatened. Probably some of it just is built-up anxiety, though Chris did see fit to mention to me that I am the store-approved person for and he's not.

Next Sunday I'm running Dominion as the featured game. I'm not paid to do this, but I do love gaming! :)

First game hosting day
april 2010
halonoir
So I had been discussing running a board/card game demo day on Sundays at BC Comix. The crew was ok with it, and have enthusiastically been plugging it (online and in store). I was starting to get a bit nervous because of all the promotion actually, LOL. However, yesterday went off with my showing up an hour before the store opens being the only problem. To be fair though, none of the mentioned that they don't open till 1:00 even though my flier said noon (because that's what it says on the main page of their website currently). In the future it won't matter, because I'll just do it from 2-6 since no-one really started showing up till then anyway.

Ran about 5 games of Carcassone and taught it to 6 new people, and had 1 who already knew how to play. Chris (co-store owner) was really helpful will getting people to give it a try. The crazy thing about gamers is that they can be standing around the store for hours doing nothing and not being there for any specific reason, but trying to convince them to give something new a try can be hell. Go figure!

Next Sunday I'm running Dominion as the featured game. :)

(no subject)
april 2010
halonoir
Finally got all my doll wigs posted for sale. I kinda feel like a dick because I'm charging slightly more than retail, but considering what I spent on PayPal fees for the GOs, shipping to the GO leader, and then shipping to me, I'm still not charging what I paid. Quite a few are limited/discontinued/sold out too... sooooo yeah. I guess I can always lower them if I'm not getting any bites... and maybe I'm not charging too much because I thought I was overpricing the clothing I listed yesterday, and I already sold a pair of shoes and shorts.

Next up is going through my eyes and getting those photographed. Those are about the hardest freaking things to take pics of. Not only are they tiny, but they're hard to light properly to show detail, yet not get glare.

The other thing that is pissing me off is people asking the shipping price of my MSDs when it's near the top of the thread in huge purple letters! If they're not reading enough to see those, then I don't know that I want to sell to them anyway, because who knows what other details they're missing.

*sigh*

I just felt the need to rant about something. I just went through a few weeks of my love life being a wreck, and we've finally started patching things up the last few days. I couldn't bring myself to post about it though during the process, because it was just too painful and personal.

On a positive note, JunkySpot has MSC in stock again, so I ordered 3 cans so I can get on with my blushing. The Sphaler parts ate up a whole can themselves. I need to find some glossy for the top coat of my next project though, and they don't have it.

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